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Taboo: Forbidden Love ~ In Love With The Berlin Wall

15 Jun

This just proves that there is nothing that people won’t have sex with. It’s a damn good thing that the Berlin Wall is not a chain link or a wood fence or this woman vagina would have some real freaking problems.

I hope to god that Home depot stocked up on their plywood because I am sure they are going to be flying off the selves after this episode!  Poor lonely single women resorting to weird objects to love and have sex with. Why can’t she just get a long purple plastic “B.O.B” (Battery Operated Boyfriend) like the rest of us?  LOL! I am pretty sure dry humping a piece of wall for years and years in your twin bed doesn’t go over too well with the gentlemen callers or roommates. I just hope this woman is smart enough to throw in a replica of the Eiffel Tower and have an orgy!

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Pejazzling = Vajazzle for your PENIS!

19 May

OMG!

Breath in….. Breath out…. Breath in…..

I have an important announcement, “You can now BEDAZZLE your dick!”

In case your ride the blue bus or for all of the virgins out there a Pejazzle is a line of stick-on crystals that you place above your wang chung.

I can only see this turning into a “little man’s syndrome” epidemic. Why? Because men are competitive. One day it will be Pejazzling a douche bag cross on their junk and they next day it will be they whole damn outline of Mary with a rosarie, rays of sunshine, and and eagle!   – Who can have the bigger and better bling on your thing!-

No offense but I already get nauseated looking at the Affliction douche capes that have the rhinestones and flames. This is the last thing women need is for the douche to spread down to their under carriage. I would also consider this a work hazard, I personally don’t want Swarovski crystals reflecting light off into my eyes causing some type of retina damage! (I don’t know why I would be down there in the first place, weird?)

Bottom line. This will only attract those who loves disco, barbed wire tattoos, and craft conventions.

The Royal Wedding = Cinderella

12 May

We all know how I feel about The Royal Wedding. Which is why this photo made me SO happy! I don’t care that it is fake. I am pretty sure whomever photoshopped this is a 50 year old – single female – virgin – with 7 cats – hoping one day her prince will come.

To have that much time on your hands leads me to believe that crying with a box of tissues watching Cinderella and the TIVO recording of The Royal Wedding might be an everyday occurrence? Oh who am I kidding I spent 30 minutes posting fake tits and sexy abs inside a iphone —–> See Here!  However I still think Princess tweedle dee and Princess tweedle dum make great evil step sisters!  Awww…… if only their horrid hats could vanish at midnight.

The Real Cinderella

The Real Evil Step Sisters ~ Cinderella

iAugmentation: The App Your Boyfriend Has Always Wanted

12 May

The iAugment is a FREE iphone app that allows you to get a virtual boob job in seconds.  You upload a picture of your breastacles, highlight each titty, adjust the “circles” to your body, and then pick your implant size, ranging 210 cc to 690 cc.

Just be aware that your husband or boyfriend HAS downloaded this already, chosen 550 cc., jerked off, and saved the picture as your contact in his phone. It’s too damn bad that they haven’t created an app for us woman, which most men would think it would be called the icock,  idong,  or ispywithmylittleeye,  Oh heavens no!  I have narrowed it down to my 3 top choices:

ihavemoney


ihaveasixpack

iclean



Lindsay Lohan’s Might Be Teaching Acting Classes at a Homeless Shelter?

11 May

TMZ  is reporting that Lindsey Lohan is serving her community service by teaching acting classes at a woman’s homeless shelter. The workshop is called D.I.V.A.S — which stands for Dames Investing in Very Authentic Storytelling — and it consists of approximately 15 women who meet two hours a week … to learn how to express themselves through writing, performing, and the spoken word.

Because that is what every homeless woman needs is to learn D list acting skills so that one day their dream will come true of being in a movie like The Parent Trap or Herbie.  What she really should be teaching them is how to serve no jail time and still piss all over the judicial system and shoplift.  This may work out to be a win-win for Lindsay because if my calculations are correct Lindsay should actually be homeless by the year 2016, so let’s hope she makes friends.

The Royal Wedding UGLY Hats!

29 Apr

I could care less about the Royal Wedding. There, I said it. Don’t judge me.

I don’t care what Kate Middleton decided to wear, or what compression hoses the Queen decided to go with, and I really don’t care how bald Prince William looks (okay maybe just a little) So while you crazy people got up at 3:00 a.m. to watch it on t.v. I slept soundly in my bed having sex dreams about Ian Somerhalder (I shamefully watched the damn Vampire Diaries before I went to sleep.)

However, the one thing I LOVE is people wearing ugly hats!!  I don’t care if it’s at Kentucky Derby or Westminster Abbey, I have a small orgasm over people wearing these horrid fashion accessories!  Someone at the Royal Wedding must have sent out an ugly hat text because they ugly showed up like a herps outbreak.  I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw The Princess Eugenie of York and Princess Beatrice of York. They are supposedly Valentino Couture and I am sure they paid more than my mortgage payment for them. Nice mauve fucking bow on your head.

Or how about Posh Spice aka David Beckam’s 80 lb wife aka Victoria Beckam

Just because your friends are doing it doesn’t mean you should too……. put the pretend coral reef hat down!

Avatar meets a craft store.

Starburst Prom Dress

20 Apr

Because you don’t wanna look like EVERYONE else in their clearance dresses from David’s Bridal, you better start saving wrappers.

This sweet little Wisconsin Cheeser and her mom have spent the last SIX YEARS weaving this luxurious garment from the wrappers of delicious starburst candies.

But the dynamic candy weaving duo didn’t stop there. Miss Tara Frey’s ensemble is complete with a woven clutch and Starbusrt shoes. Damn ladies. That’s commitment.  The only thing I’ve done consistently for six years is drink.

I know what you’re thinking. Wait! Doesn’t her dates tie have to match the dress! Fret not my fashion sensible friends. Momma Frey hand crafted a fabulous vest to pull this whole thing together. He doesn’t look too thrilled. She’s totally gonna have to put out to make up for this.

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