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History According to Sarah Palin

6 Jun

This dummy wants to be the President. Somebody smack my face with one of these Revere Bells, wouldya?

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Best Bin Laden Related Status Updates

4 May

Woah. It really happened. The number one most wanted man in the world was killed by a team of Navy Seals. What’s the best way American’s can think of to commemorate this day ?  Facebook Status Update!!! Here’s the best of list according to The Dirty Doxy:

“How did people get their hands on all these American flags so quickly?”

“They should have captured Bin Laden alive and made him continually go through airport security for the rest of his life.”

” I wonder if Barack is tearing up the White House looking for that old George W. “Mission Accomplished” banner. ”

” Osama Bin Laden: Best Hide and Seek Player 2001-2011″

And The Dirty Doxy’s personal favorite “Hey, Bin Laden……gotcha, ya stupid bitch!”

Ann Coulter Thinks Radiation is Good For You

18 Mar

This woman is the worst troll around.  Captain Dum Dum is shouting from the roof tops that the glowing green clouds of radiation are healthy! According to Ann the Man Coulter the govarnment is being a bunch of  ninnies and has set the bar much too low for radiation warnings. So get out there and get mutant people! She thinks it prevents the cancer and really perks you up.

Even Bill O’Reilly isn’t buying this garbage, which is really saying something. Let’s put Ann in a tye dye bikini and send her on over to Japan to get her Radon Tan On and she can test this out for us. Sorry Ann, we watch The Simpsons. We know what the green sticks will do to you.

Photo: DeviantArt

Coke’s Secret Recipe Uncovered by NPR

16 Feb

According to Rueters, the NPR radio show “This American Life” is claiming that they have blown the lid off the original recipe for Coca Cola.

Here’s the thing. Is this like that chain email we all got in 2004 where the lady asked for the secret cookie recipe and was charged $999 dollars for it? Then in the ultimate revenge she emailed it to the world and totally blew up their cookie making power? Cause if it’s some play on that, it’s PRETTY lame.

Anyway, “This American Life” claims they snagged the recipe for the sweet elixir of life from the Atlanta Journal Constitution, from February 1979. Well ain’t that a bitch. Coke’s hometown newspaper sold them out.

A photo that appeared with the article shows pages from a notebook with a handwritten list of ingredients such as sugar, lime juice, vanilla and caramel. It also lists oils of cinnamon, neroli, coriander, nutmeg, lemon and orange. Now here is where I think the joke is on us. We all know real Coke is made of High Fructose Corn Syrup and Carmel number 5.

Coke says Hell to the N-O. None of this nonsense has a drop of sweet sugary xantham gum truth to it. They said the real recipe is locked away tight in an Atlanta bank vault.

Here’s the good news for Coke. Even if this is the real recipe all the caffine addicted Coke slurping consumers are too lazy to get out their High School chemistry kits and attempt to recreate the nectar of the Diabetes gods. Don’t worry Coke, your secret is safe!

CBS News Reporter Serene Branson DID have a Stroke

15 Feb

I posted earlier a video about Serene Branson and her broadcast at the Grammy’s. Apparently she did suffer a stroke during the news coverage.

Mike Nelson,a CBS spokesman, gave the following statement: “Serene Branson was examined by paramedics on scene immediately after her broadcast. Her vital signs were normal. She was not hospitalized. As a precautionary measure, a colleague gave her a ride home and she says that she is feeling fine this morning.”

But after watching the clip, several doctors said that Sunday night’s events caught on tape should not be taken lightly.

“[That’s a] pretty scary clip,” said Dr. Larry Goldstein, director of Duke Stroke Center in Durham, N.C. “She appears to have an aphasia, [or] problem with expressive language, and right-sided facial weakness. Although this can be caused by other conditions, it is very concerning for stroke.”

Yikes!

CBS News Reporter Serene Branson: Stroke or Mess Up?

14 Feb

CBS Los Angeles reporter Serene Branson has reportedly been taken to hospital for tests after stumbling incomprehensibly over her words during a Grammy’s broadcast.

If she did have a stroke I would feel like an ass for making fun of her. So let’s hope to god she’s okay and that it was just the funniest malfunction of words coming out of her mouth! It would also be great if absolutely nothing was wrong and CBS news was like……. “No one f*cks up that bad….. take her to the hospital!”

The Today Show is not a Daycare! 4 year old girl treks quarter mile through snow to save family

11 Feb

Obviously this is an amazing story, but just wait until you click the link and get to 2:25 in the video –  the today show turns into Nanny 911! (Okay who am I kidding, if it was my kids the whole Today Show set would have probably burned down.) The best part is when Meredith Vieira shows the kids who’s boss and takes the teddy bear and throws it off stage  like a professional news anchor would do in such a situation.  Then she says ” It’s funny that he survived the crash but he can barely survive The Today Show” real classy Meredith, real classy.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41529753/ns/today-today_people/

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