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Pejazzling = Vajazzle for your PENIS!

19 May

OMG!

Breath in….. Breath out…. Breath in…..

I have an important announcement, “You can now BEDAZZLE your dick!”

In case your ride the blue bus or for all of the virgins out there a Pejazzle is a line of stick-on crystals that you place above your wang chung.

I can only see this turning into a “little man’s syndrome” epidemic. Why? Because men are competitive. One day it will be Pejazzling a douche bag cross on their junk and they next day it will be they whole damn outline of Mary with a rosarie, rays of sunshine, and and eagle!   – Who can have the bigger and better bling on your thing!-

No offense but I already get nauseated looking at the Affliction douche capes that have the rhinestones and flames. This is the last thing women need is for the douche to spread down to their under carriage. I would also consider this a work hazard, I personally don’t want Swarovski crystals reflecting light off into my eyes causing some type of retina damage! (I don’t know why I would be down there in the first place, weird?)

Bottom line. This will only attract those who loves disco, barbed wire tattoos, and craft conventions.

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The Royal Wedding = Cinderella

12 May

We all know how I feel about The Royal Wedding. Which is why this photo made me SO happy! I don’t care that it is fake. I am pretty sure whomever photoshopped this is a 50 year old – single female – virgin – with 7 cats – hoping one day her prince will come.

To have that much time on your hands leads me to believe that crying with a box of tissues watching Cinderella and the TIVO recording of The Royal Wedding might be an everyday occurrence? Oh who am I kidding I spent 30 minutes posting fake tits and sexy abs inside a iphone —–> See Here!  However I still think Princess tweedle dee and Princess tweedle dum make great evil step sisters!  Awww…… if only their horrid hats could vanish at midnight.

The Real Cinderella

The Real Evil Step Sisters ~ Cinderella

The Royal Wedding UGLY Hats!

29 Apr

I could care less about the Royal Wedding. There, I said it. Don’t judge me.

I don’t care what Kate Middleton decided to wear, or what compression hoses the Queen decided to go with, and I really don’t care how bald Prince William looks (okay maybe just a little) So while you crazy people got up at 3:00 a.m. to watch it on t.v. I slept soundly in my bed having sex dreams about Ian Somerhalder (I shamefully watched the damn Vampire Diaries before I went to sleep.)

However, the one thing I LOVE is people wearing ugly hats!!  I don’t care if it’s at Kentucky Derby or Westminster Abbey, I have a small orgasm over people wearing these horrid fashion accessories!  Someone at the Royal Wedding must have sent out an ugly hat text because they ugly showed up like a herps outbreak.  I threw up in my mouth a little when I saw The Princess Eugenie of York and Princess Beatrice of York. They are supposedly Valentino Couture and I am sure they paid more than my mortgage payment for them. Nice mauve fucking bow on your head.

Or how about Posh Spice aka David Beckam’s 80 lb wife aka Victoria Beckam

Just because your friends are doing it doesn’t mean you should too……. put the pretend coral reef hat down!

Avatar meets a craft store.

Starburst Prom Dress

20 Apr

Because you don’t wanna look like EVERYONE else in their clearance dresses from David’s Bridal, you better start saving wrappers.

This sweet little Wisconsin Cheeser and her mom have spent the last SIX YEARS weaving this luxurious garment from the wrappers of delicious starburst candies.

But the dynamic candy weaving duo didn’t stop there. Miss Tara Frey’s ensemble is complete with a woven clutch and Starbusrt shoes. Damn ladies. That’s commitment.  The only thing I’ve done consistently for six years is drink.

I know what you’re thinking. Wait! Doesn’t her dates tie have to match the dress! Fret not my fashion sensible friends. Momma Frey hand crafted a fabulous vest to pull this whole thing together. He doesn’t look too thrilled. She’s totally gonna have to put out to make up for this.

Shit That Needs To Go: Round Glasses aka Harry Potter Glasses

16 Apr

Guess what atrocity is becoming a trend.

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I am pretty sure when Daniel Radcliffe put on these glasses he didn’t think to himself  “this bad ass is going to be a trend-setter!”

It has been brought to my attention that “Muggles” (Yup I said Harry Potter lingo) are now wearing these spectacles of awfulness. So listen up 14/20 vision fashionistas the fact that you looked in the mirror and thought *Damn I look good* and left the house with these on kinda makes us want to punch you in the vagina and or man-gina. The only time you should be allowed to wear these glasses is when you are at home alone locked in your bedroom and having a reading marathon of all 7 Harry Potter books.

Kelly Osbourne Is Hot Now?

5 Apr

Do I even have to write anything? Can’t we all just look at these pictures and enjoy the fact that Kelly Osbourne no longer looks like the bat that her dad decided to chew on at a concert?

What Your Skinny Jeans Say About You

23 Mar

After years of painstaking research College Humor has finally made a connection between skinny jeans and personality traits. I think they left out the graph line for douche……

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