Taboo: Forbidden Love ~ In Love With The Berlin Wall

15 Jun

This just proves that there is nothing that people won’t have sex with. It’s a damn good thing that the Berlin Wall is not a chain link or a wood fence or this woman vagina would have some real freaking problems.

I hope to god that Home depot stocked up on their plywood because I am sure they are going to be flying off the selves after this episode!  Poor lonely single women resorting to weird objects to love and have sex with. Why can’t she just get a long purple plastic “B.O.B” (Battery Operated Boyfriend) like the rest of us?  LOL! I am pretty sure dry humping a piece of wall for years and years in your twin bed doesn’t go over too well with the gentlemen callers or roommates. I just hope this woman is smart enough to throw in a replica of the Eiffel Tower and have an orgy!

History According to Sarah Palin

6 Jun

This dummy wants to be the President. Somebody smack my face with one of these Revere Bells, wouldya?

I PREDICTED IT! Scotty Mccreery Won American Idol!

25 May

I still haven’t watched a single episode this season, but I knew that Scotty Mccreery was destined for greatness because of his awful resemblance to Alfred E. Newman! I predicted this shit! See here

Pejazzling = Vajazzle for your PENIS!

19 May

OMG!

Breath in….. Breath out…. Breath in…..

I have an important announcement, “You can now BEDAZZLE your dick!”

In case your ride the blue bus or for all of the virgins out there a Pejazzle is a line of stick-on crystals that you place above your wang chung.

I can only see this turning into a “little man’s syndrome” epidemic. Why? Because men are competitive. One day it will be Pejazzling a douche bag cross on their junk and they next day it will be they whole damn outline of Mary with a rosarie, rays of sunshine, and and eagle!   – Who can have the bigger and better bling on your thing!-

No offense but I already get nauseated looking at the Affliction douche capes that have the rhinestones and flames. This is the last thing women need is for the douche to spread down to their under carriage. I would also consider this a work hazard, I personally don’t want Swarovski crystals reflecting light off into my eyes causing some type of retina damage! (I don’t know why I would be down there in the first place, weird?)

Bottom line. This will only attract those who loves disco, barbed wire tattoos, and craft conventions.

Penis Repellent of the Month: Sarah Jessica Parker

18 May

If Sex in the City was a real life story and Sarah Jessica Parker really got laid n’ paid like Carrie Bradshaw then…………  I would sale all my shit and move to New York!  Let’s be honest if any man would saddle up and ride that stallion, I could probably make it BIG in NYC….. (get it  – BIG)

I am sure she is just a charming breed and it’s unfortunate that she has to re-live Ferris Bueller’s Day Off  every day of her life because she married Matthew Broderick (Who was also almost nominated due to his Donald Trump comb over.) On the up side at least she has cute kids and ass loads of stylish clothes from her Sex in the City gig.

Arnold Schwazanegger’s Love Child Mother

18 May

Wow. When I heard about this whole “The Terminator has a love child” situation, I envisioned some uber hot nanny that was tempting the Kindergarten Cop with he goodies day and night. Turns out he likes more cushion for the pushin with a few years under their belt. Boy, is she a looker!

This is the woman who broke up the Govenator’s marriage:

I mean, clearly he was in it for the motorboatin’. How could he not be ?

Basically he hired the maid from Family Guy:

Apparently he made sweet sweet Austrian love to her all over the haus and Maria didn’t even know it! Then when his “bang maid” (Thanks Always Sunny in Philadelphia) popped a baby bump, Arnold didn’t even notice.  You’d think he’d get a clue when the maids seven month old was lifting up Bentley’s in the drive way, but no. ESCANDAL!!!!

Oh Arnold, you could get the freaky alien in the jungle and save the world, but you couldn’t keep a love child under wraps.

I bet Miss Patty, that’s the maid, saw Junior and thought “Shit, if he can do it, I can do it.” She was hurtin’ for a squirtin’.


Britney Spears is in Park City, UT

17 May

She has to be. I saw this used pregnancy test on the floor in a Chevron gas station bathroom.

At first I thought it might be Amy Winehouse, but then I checked Dlisted and saw that she’s back in the rehabs.

%d bloggers like this: